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Funerals
It is difficult to be definitive or specific about funerals because the circumstances and the stories range across the breadth of human experience and emotions.
Every time we are requested to help, our first task is to listen, listen, listen. The bereaved may not know where to begin, or they may know precisely what they want.
Thinking about people’s needs and purposes in holding a funeral is important. As a starting point, we may think of the need to say goodbye, but also to affirm continuing bonds. We may consider the importance of the memories that help to define us. We may also seek to face the future with hope.
A funeral may rest on spiritual values or religious beliefs; it may be guided and directed by the character and style of the deceased whom we remember. It may be that the gathering is focussed primarily on the great sadness, or the overwhelming gratitude. Every funeral, celebration of life, or memorial service will have its own language. How can we know until we listen?
Then, it is helpful to begin with a blank sheet of paper as we talk about venues, date and time, the order of events, and the main mood or cultural values. We have the opportunity to consider all the senses. How do we engage sight, sound, smell, taste and touch? In which of these is the deceased best represented or rediscovered?
Our goal is to bring everything together in such a way that families, friends and colleagues are able to see a funeral event, not as an ordeal to be endured, but as a healing and enriching time in their own lives and journeys.
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